wasting time...

i'm drunk. and why not, I've been very good all weekend. so tonight I drink. and download songs from jr high and high school, trash can sinatras, the cure, morrissey, i'm alone, back in my 14 year old world of angst and longing, just me and my headphones. my husbands asleep and needs to wake up in an hour, I will probably be up a few hours after, calling my new job and trying to finagle a week in october i need off, ordering bridal shower stuff for a friend that i'm not sure wants to get married, hoping my ADD pills will keep me from eating enough for another day to get me to fit into my bridesmaid dress i'm suppose to wear in two weeks, and in the mean time, procrastinating, remembering scott smith and matt stevens, angela parker and rayna martinez, people who i don't know what happened to recently, names changes, families forged, people that meant so much, but now are lost. but i still have "lullaby", "king lear" and "fascination street".....