Wednesday, September 14, 2005

30th Birthday Recap

So, I thought that everyone had been acting weird; Stacey changed the subject everytime I asked her about what we were going to do for my birthday, and mark and I kept fighting about everything, and it turns out they were acting weird because Mark threw me a surprise party...and i was soooooooo shocked. Mostly because he swore up and down that he would never ever do anything like that for me "What am i going to do?" he said, "steal your phone and call all your friends? That is not me." And I believed him because he never was good at birthdays, for the last 4 years we've been together, I think I only got a card once and it had Sponge bob square pants on it (talk about romantic) But he duped me. Everyone did. We checked into The Standard Hotel, here in Downtown, which is about 3 blocks from our house, and I thought that was my romantic birthday surprise. We had plans to go to a nice dinner at this steak restuarant with my best friend and her husband who drove up from San Diego and were staying at the same hotel. So after dinner, which was mellow, I thought we'd go to the roof bar at the hotel and maybe call some other friends to coome, so we get up to the room to freshen up, and I see the room is decorated as I opened the door, and I thought that Mark had the maid decorate, and then I walked in and my older sister and stacey and her boyfriend adam and michelle and matt and Jamie and Ryan and Carlos and Kirk, and a couple of other friends of friends yelled SURPRISE and they had baked me my favorite cake (yellow with chocolate frosting) and everyone knew and had been planning, and here I was, sad and lonely and about to break up with my boyfriend because I was sure he was going to blow off my birthday-- and he had planned the whole thing (with a little help from my sis and stace). He also got me jewelery, for the first time our whole relationship. I thought I was getting turntables and a mixer, but I got a gorgeous onyx and silver necklace. So we drank the liquor that had been fully stocked in the room, then went up to the roof and danced and drank, then back to the room to drink more, then Jamie knew I wanted everyone out, so she started a bubble bath in our huge suite, and made everyone leave.

So entering my 30's ended up being a lot mellower than I imagined, but also, I think I've had enough craziness througout my 20's to last me well into my 30's. But it is kind of sad, I watched the clock click down on Wedneday night August 31st, to turn into Thursday, September 1st, and I got really sad that I was leaving. My 20's had been so fun, so invigorating; going to college, getting my first apartment, partying with my friends, making out with cute boys, moving to LA, getting my first real job, moving in with my boyfriend-- but also, so sad-- wallowing in a 4 year depression, dealing with almost debilitating anxiety without medication, losing what i thought was my true love, feeling such intense loneliness, feeling like no one really knew me, that I didn't know myself, and didn't really want to...but its been my favorite decade yet, and I wasn't really ready for it to end.

But now, I'm going to go about embracing my 30's, being happier with where I am, who I am, and who I'm with. This year is the beginning of something, I know it, I've always felt it, but I think I've always been putting it off-- but not anymore...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

It's official...I'm 30 years old

So it is after midnight and I am feeling a little sad, my tweties went out with a whisper, and my thirties started with a soft I had a job interview, which I think went pretty well, then I had lunch at In N Out because I was trying to be cheap and actually budget, then I attempted to go get a haircut, but chickened out (it's impossible for a girl with super curly hair to not have a mild anxiety attack when meeting a new hairdresser) I looked at furniture, found some cute stuff, went to Target, bought some baskets so i can put away some shit, met Arnold for lunch and we laughed about how we're 30 with no jobs but somehow i manage to drive a nice car, and he managed to go to Barcelona for a month (ah, the joys of freelancing and unemployment). I went to the mall, looked for some shoes and/or a shirt, then picked up my BF, he dropped me off while he borrowed the car-- "come back by midnight so i won't have to bring in my birthday alone," surfed the internet, watched the hurricane special, then at 11:55 while I was about to feel really bummed, BF showed up with cheap champagne..."happy birthday," he said, he squeezed really tight, "it's official, you're 30!" "now i am really your 'old lady'" he laughed, "yes you are," but, I do feel a little sad, a decade that i wasn't quite ready to shed is over, i know that growing older and wiser is better, but sometimes, a little part of me wants to go back and be as excited as i was embarking on 20, 21, even 25...