car accidents suck

So someone hit my car today, while I was driving out of In n Out in Santa Clarita, of all places, we were out there for a location scout and starving and finally ate and were heading back to the office when BAM someone hit the front end of my car as I was trying to pull out of the driveway onto the street. It sucks. Now I have to get a rental and wait weeks and weeks till its ready. I am so sad, my poor car is all alone at the body shop in Valencia, where it doesn't know anyone and doesn't know what is going to happen to it. I miss my car already.

so I've been lagging on posting...

but for a good reason! I finally got a job and started working again! yay! Those 2 1/2 months off were really killing me, and my boyfriend, who was pretty much supporting us during my hiatus....but yes, I got the call the day after my birthday, so not only was I thirty, but also employed again!

for those of you that don't know, which I suppose is most everyone that is reading this blog, I work in entertainment, specifically television, even more specifically, reality television. I'm a free-lance associate producer, trying to work my way up to producer, but still not sure if this whole thing is what I really want to do...it pays the bills and its fun, but I want to be a writer, not a pseudo writer creating segments for a cheesy show. I won't name my show right now, but it is at MTV, and it is cheesy.

I have not done anything fun in a long, long time, so I am determined to do something exciting this weekend! and I'm working on getting a digital camera so I can post photos of places I go, people I see, and things i do. I might as well document my first year of my thirties much better than i documented my twenties. (actually, a lot of my 20's I avoided the camera-- due to the many slightly illegal circumstances that I found myself in, especially those at 5am, much better to have kept to those that participated!)

30th Birthday Recap

So, I thought that everyone had been acting weird; Stacey changed the subject everytime I asked her about what we were going to do for my birthday, and mark and I kept fighting about everything, and it turns out they were acting weird because Mark threw me a surprise party...and i was soooooooo shocked. Mostly because he swore up and down that he would never ever do anything like that for me "What am i going to do?" he said, "steal your phone and call all your friends? That is not me." And I believed him because he never was good at birthdays, for the last 4 years we've been together, I think I only got a card once and it had Sponge bob square pants on it (talk about romantic) But he duped me. Everyone did. We checked into The Standard Hotel, here in Downtown, which is about 3 blocks from our house, and I thought that was my romantic birthday surprise. We had plans to go to a nice dinner at this steak restuarant with my best friend and her husband who drove up from San Diego and were staying at the same hotel. So after dinner, which was mellow, I thought we'd go to the roof bar at the hotel and maybe call some other friends to coome, so we get up to the room to freshen up, and I see the room is decorated as I opened the door, and I thought that Mark had the maid decorate, and then I walked in and my older sister and stacey and her boyfriend adam and michelle and matt and Jamie and Ryan and Carlos and Kirk, and a couple of other friends of friends yelled SURPRISE and they had baked me my favorite cake (yellow with chocolate frosting) and everyone knew and had been planning, and here I was, sad and lonely and about to break up with my boyfriend because I was sure he was going to blow off my birthday-- and he had planned the whole thing (with a little help from my sis and stace). He also got me jewelery, for the first time our whole relationship. I thought I was getting turntables and a mixer, but I got a gorgeous onyx and silver necklace. So we drank the liquor that had been fully stocked in the room, then went up to the roof and danced and drank, then back to the room to drink more, then Jamie knew I wanted everyone out, so she started a bubble bath in our huge suite, and made everyone leave.

So entering my 30's ended up being a lot mellower than I imagined, but also, I think I've had enough craziness througout my 20's to last me well into my 30's. But it is kind of sad, I watched the clock click down on Wedneday night August 31st, to turn into Thursday, September 1st, and I got really sad that I was leaving. My 20's had been so fun, so invigorating; going to college, getting my first apartment, partying with my friends, making out with cute boys, moving to LA, getting my first real job, moving in with my boyfriend-- but also, so sad-- wallowing in a 4 year depression, dealing with almost debilitating anxiety without medication, losing what i thought was my true love, feeling such intense loneliness, feeling like no one really knew me, that I didn't know myself, and didn't really want to...but its been my favorite decade yet, and I wasn't really ready for it to end.

But now, I'm going to go about embracing my 30's, being happier with where I am, who I am, and who I'm with. This year is the beginning of something, I know it, I've always felt it, but I think I've always been putting it off-- but not anymore...

It's official...I'm 30 years old

So it is after midnight and I am feeling a little sad, my tweties went out with a whisper, and my thirties started with a soft murmer...today I had a job interview, which I think went pretty well, then I had lunch at In N Out because I was trying to be cheap and actually budget, then I attempted to go get a haircut, but chickened out (it's impossible for a girl with super curly hair to not have a mild anxiety attack when meeting a new hairdresser) I looked at furniture, found some cute stuff, went to Target, bought some baskets so i can put away some shit, met Arnold for lunch and we laughed about how we're 30 with no jobs but somehow i manage to drive a nice car, and he managed to go to Barcelona for a month (ah, the joys of freelancing and unemployment). I went to the mall, looked for some shoes and/or a shirt, then picked up my BF, he dropped me off while he borrowed the car-- "come back by midnight so i won't have to bring in my birthday alone," surfed the internet, watched the hurricane special, then at 11:55 while I was about to feel really bummed, BF showed up with cheap champagne..."happy birthday," he said, he squeezed really tight, "it's official, you're 30!" "now i am really your 'old lady'" he laughed, "yes you are," but, I do feel a little sad, a decade that i wasn't quite ready to shed is over, i know that growing older and wiser is better, but sometimes, a little part of me wants to go back and be as excited as i was embarking on 20, 21, even 25...

my last saturday night of my twenties...

and I am here sitting in my loft in front of the computer eavesdropping on blogs...i need to muster some enthusiasm and go get a cocktail...

an alternate me

I always wanted to be the girl that had a full sleeve of tattoos, wore 50's dresses with my 50's pin-up bettie page haircut, drove an old car with suicide doors, dated a greaser...but instead I'm the girl that wears a collection of furry or tweed hats, jeans and high heels, has long curly style lacking hair, never had a peircing or tattoo, drives a year old car. But I did manage to date a greaser...

afternoons downtown

I like walking around downtown at rush hour, with all the people spilling out of their offices, rushing off to the metro or their parked car 4 blocks away, I like to see the look of relief on their faces with the day finally over, anticipating an evening. I wonder what places they'll spread out to, who, if anyone, will greet them when they get there, whether dinner will be waiting, or whether they'll pick something up on their way home. I wonder if they have hobbies or aspirations, a date or six-pack and some internet porn, yelling kids or a nagging mom. Everyone smiling, if briefly, to be able to be back on their own time.

summer friday night silverlake

couldn't figure where to go for dinner, too hungry, tried Palermo's, but the wait was long and the food looked mediocre, so we walked down to Figaro's, which is french for really fucking expensive, but we like good food and an even better ambience, so we had a 17 dollar seafood stuffed artichoke, then a shared a 32 rib-eye with "frittes" which is just french fancy for fries. Accompanying dinner was 38 dollars worth of 3 martini's, so needless to say, we ended up charging it. But he did say I looked pretty in the candle light...then off to 4100 where our drunk friends were causing a ridiculous ruccous, so we drank on stacey's old bosses tab, and the bartender asked me if I needed to catch up, which I did, but I was planning on avoiding it..so stacey gets cut off, then disappears to puke, and i want to go, so then she tells me bob is coming, but i don't feel like hanging out with him, so mark, who is pretty drunk himself, agrees to go home, so we drove and they played the Killers and I sang "i'm so much older than I can take," then they played Mudhoney, and now he is trying to paint on some cardboard with the paint we were suppose to use for the house, and I am annoyed because he's already spilt paint on many other occasions on our floors and others, " you don't trust me?" he says. "no." i say, " would you?" and he puts his head down, but continues to mix the paint, red with off-white, turned with our wooden kitchen spoon.

okay, so I'm almost there...

I'll be in 30 in exactly 16 days. Or 15, but either way, I decided that blogging would be a fun way for my friends to find out what I've been up to, and for me to get disciplined about writing again!